Relationship Therapy

We just had our first pre-wedding counseling session last night — it was totally weird, and also kind of awesome… but wait, let me start from the beginning.

So, I have a lesbian aunt (well, actually, I have six… yes, six lesbian aunts… who says there’s not a gay gene?) Anyway, this particular lesbian aunt is also an ordained minister and Beau and I were pretty sure from day one of our engagement that we wanted her to officiate at our wedding. So, we called her up and asked her, but she was strangely non-committal. We later realized after several conversations with her that it was because she takes officiating at weddings incredibly seriously and wanted to make sure that we really wanted to have her style of officiating on our big day. As we’ve come to realize, her style seems really personal and really intense and we’re totally on board with it — however, it does involve several pre-wedding counseling sessions with her before the wedding, the first of which was last night.

Let me give you the general run down: she lives halfway across the country, so we did the whole thing via skype (by the way, when did technology get so cool?). Before our chat she sent us this list of questions to peruse:

1. What has changed (if anything) in your relationship since making the decision to get married?
2. Try to name what you believe you know best about her (what you understand most deeply about what makes her tick)
3. And what do you least understand about her?
4. How would you describe yourself in conflict?
5. How do you experience her in times of conflict?
6. When something good happens, what comes first to mind as a way to celebrate?
7. In your own words, what are the non-negotiable ingredients of a good marriage?
8. What elements or aspects of your answer to #7 do you think will be easiest for you to maintain? Why?
9. What elements or aspects of your answer to #7 do you think will be hardest for you to maintain? Why?

We found some questions super-easy (ahem, “describe her in conflict”) and others kind of difficult (we actually both had a lot of trouble coming up with non-negotiables). But engaging with the questions turned out to be a really fantastic exercise… even though it was kind of awkward when my aunt asked us about sexual fidelity near the end of our counseling session. Has anyone else done pre-wedding counseling? Are you a fan? I think I am.

Lying to my grandmother

Okay, so my grandmother sent me earrings for my birthday. This would be awesome, except that I don't actually have my ears pierced... and I just lied to her on the phone and told her that I did. In my defense, this is not a complete lie because I did at one point (well, two points actually) have my ears pierced. Once when I was twelve and again when I was fourteen. They grew in both times. At the time my mother told me it was because I had an insanely powerful immune system that just couldn't stand to have holes in it. However, I think I might just have been a wimp who was too wimpy to push an earring through a closing piercing. The only reason I've been able to deal with my nose piercing is that I never change the tiny stud that lives in it -- so I never have to come face-to-face with my wimp-y-ness.

Anyway... point is... lying to my grandmother got me thinking... should I pierce my ears for the wedding? I could wear these...
From Twist Online
Yea or Nay?

Okay... this whole thing is coming together... I've got someone making my dress

I've got a deposit down at a venue (a re-habbed barn which will also be our caterer).

I've got myself a fabulous photographer who was an incredible deal and just got married to a woman herself.

I sent my grandmother to a tasting with her chef friend and they returned with recommendations.

My mother is gathering antique milk bottles and ocean rocks (she's a kayaker) to create our centerpieces.

My theologian aunt has agreed to be our officiant

I've created our wedding website

The ball... it be rollin'!

I FOUND IT!

Dress from Janay A. Handmade

It's all I've been able to think about the past two days. Yes, I have to clean the house. Yes, I have a zillion things to do for work. Yes, my to-do list is madness-inducing. But all I've done during my two snow-days home from teaching is think about my dress.

I found it. I found it. I found it.

I NEVER thought I would become the crazy wedding person that I have suddenly turned into. I fall asleep thinking about necklines or tablescapes. I spend my free moments thinking about how to turn folders into envelopes. I'm spending hours on etsy.com browsing page after page of handmade dresses. Who is this crazy girl?

Well... it paid off yesterday, when I typed in "wedding dresses" into etsy's search engine. 90 pages of dresses showed up. On page (I kid you not) 89, I found my dress designer.

Near the end of August, I came across a photo on a wedding blog. The bride was wearing a dress that I thought was perfect: short, crisp, vintage-looking. I couldn't find it anywhere. I had no idea where she got it. There was no information available. So I just kept the picture of it in my mind -- along the way, I came across a lot of other options. I got semi-excited about some of them, but I always came back to that one mystery dress. Well yesterday, I found it... only better.

It's everything I had in my head plus stuff I didn't even know I wanted. AND -- it's two pieces so I can actually wear it again (with a different skirt or shirt). AND it'll be handmade by a hip young designer using eco-friendly materials. AND it costs 1/3 as much as all the other dresses that I like. It couldn't be more perfect.

So.. hunting works. I didn't have to settle. I'm so excited. YAY.

Have you found your dress yet?